Why look for a way out of an addiction?

When you have an addiction and getting out of it looks hard, it is not unusual for resignation and discouragement to come calling: "what's the point…", "it won't make any difference…". I do not know about you, but I find it harder and harder to do something that means nothing to me, especially if it is only a matter of morality. I do not want to do things because someone, however close, has decided they are right or wrong.

Changing for other people, appealing as the idea is, usually fails. Why? Because it has been amply demonstrated that extrinsic motivation — the kind coming from outside through authority, obligation or guilt — is far less effective than intrinsic motivation, which supports persistence, creativity and wellbeing. In short: changing for yourself is hard enough, let alone for someone else. (This matters for the families of people with addictions too.)

Which is why these questions seem so useful, even essential, before setting out:

Why would I want to free myself from my addiction? What would it give me?

The more valid, concrete reasons there are, the stronger the desire and the motivation. It is also a way of writing a new chapter of your life, of setting a new heading. A mind will find far more resources, strength and solutions when there is meaning, and therefore a direction.

I think that is partly why Allen Carr's first book did so well. It laid out a set of strong arguments for stopping smoking, and in doing so strengthened the motivation to stop. That was certainly its effect on me. I felt charged with a mission, like a knight riding out to defend causes that were his own. Here are a few reasons — far from all of them — that might push you to take the step.

1. Taking your freedom back

• Getting your free will back: no longer the servant of a substance or a behaviour, but captain of your own ship again.
• Getting your time back: addiction eats hours. Leaving the cycle wins back precious time for creativity, for interests, for the people close to you.
• Saving your resources: beyond the money, it is a monumental saving of psychic energy — the end of the mental load of supply, or of secrecy.

2. Vitality and being grounded (the body)

• Better physical health: restorative sleep, clearer skin and a stronger immune system — and therefore the vitality to make more things happen and to enjoy them.
• Reconnecting with your senses: moving from immediate, artificial pleasure to a joy that is organic and lasts.
• Longevity: giving yourself the chance to grow older while staying present and able.

3. Alignment and self-esteem (the mind)

• Leaving shame, guilt and self-criticism behind: bringing what you do into line with what you value, and finding inner peace again.
• Building self-confidence: every sober day is evidence of your own strength and resilience.
• Steadying your mood: no more emotional rollercoaster of peaks and withdrawal.

4. The quality of your relationships

• Rebuilding trust with the people close to you: repairing damaged ties and being fully present for those you love.
• Finding a genuine connection: moving from relationships built on need or on a crutch to exchanges that are sincere and kind.
• Becoming a source of inspiration: embodying a model of change and resilience for others.

5. Mental clarity (vision)

• Reaching your creativity unfiltered: freeing the mental space needed to write, to build, to invent.
• Sharp memory and concentration again: being able to picture the future clearly.

To go further on this, have a look at these two pieces: "Leaving addiction as a political act", and "Your own cocktail of motivations".